


let yourself want me

by PrettyDemonBoy



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: AFAB Apprentice (The Arcana), First Time Blow Jobs, Light Bondage, M/M, Post-Canon, Sex Magic, Soft Muriel (The Arcana), no beta we die like men, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyDemonBoy/pseuds/PrettyDemonBoy
Summary: Even after everything that's happened, Muriel still has a hard time trusting himself not to hurt you. You come up with a creative solution.
Relationships: Apprentice/Muriel (The Arcana)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 141





	let yourself want me

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, Muriel is a good soft boy and I just want him to feel good so this is just the Apprentice giving Muriel a blowjob and convincing him that its okay to want and feel things. Also, I don't really give a definite gender to the apprentice here but I do allude to them having a vag but an otherwise "male-coded" body so I mean I guess AFAB!Apprentice so if that's not your bag then the door is that way. Otherwise, enjoy my good soft boy!

There’s a fire going as I make my way into the hut. Inanna is curled up by the fire, snoring softly, though her ears perk slightly as I enter. She cracks one eye open and closes it again when she sees it’s just me.

Muriel is sitting on a makeshift stool in the corner, slowly carving a stick into a spear. He looks up when I enter as well, though his eyes stay on me as I make my way over to him.

“Hey you,” I speak just loud enough to be heard over the crackle of the flames. I lean down and drop a kiss onto the top of his head, inhaling the deep earthy scent of his hair. When I pull back, his face is flushed with nervous energy.

“...Hi.”

I carefully reach down, taking both the stick and the knife from his large hands and setting them aside. Then I lean down and place my hands on either side of his face and kiss him fully on the mouth. There’s always a beat where Muriel tenses up, but it gets shorter every time and now I almost don’t notice the time between when I kiss him and when he kisses me back, lips pressing so carefully against mine, like he’s afraid that even his mouth is too much.

I deepen the kiss, letting my tongue dance against the seam of his lips and trying to let him know that it’s okay, that he’s okay. He makes a small wounded noise in the back of his throat and I know if I open my eyes that his hands will be firmly gripping his own thighs to keep himself from touching me.

I pull away only when I need to breathe. His face is still red and his lips are swollen, and he’s looking up at me like he wants to cry. I sigh quietly and press my forehead against his, stroking his cheek with my thumbs.

“I’ve been thinking.”

Muriel doesn’t say anything, and I take it as a cue to continue. “I know you’re worried about hurting me, and I know that no matter how much I say that you won’t, you don’t trust yourself. Yet.”

“I-I...we can’t…”

I place a finger against his lips, briefly marveling at just how soft they are, before continuing. “I have an idea. Do you want to hear it?”

Despite the anxiety that spikes the air around us, I can see something else in his gaze; pure want and desperation. I know he wants me, I know I want him, but I still can’t rush this, can’t force him. I know this plan will work if he lets it, he just needs to trust me, like he has before.

I wait patiently, and then I catch the barest hint of a nod. I smile and move to take his hands in mine. “Follow me,” I murmur, leading him out of his corner and across the hut to the bed. He resists, shaking his head, but I stop halfway so that we’re standing in front of the fire.

“If you’re afraid to hurt me, I’ll make it so you can’t.”

Muriel eyes me suspiciously. “How?”

I smile then and reach into the pocket of my tunic, pulling out a long strip of silk and holding it out in front of him. The incredulous expression on his face is totally worth not immediately explaining.

“That’s it? A piece of cloth?” Muriel sighs and starts to move away, but I reach out and grab his wrist.

“Of course that’s not it. This isn’t just any cloth,” I reply, raising an eyebrow at him. “Do you trust me?”

“You know I do. That’s not the problem here.”

“Hold your wrists out, like this,” I demonstrate what I mean, holding my arms out with the wrists pressed together.

Muriel frowns but does as he’s told, and I quickly weave the fabric around until it’s knotted around. It’s tight, but I make sure he can at least twist around within the confines of the silk. I’ve also made sure to leave some fabric at the ends. “How’s that?”

“Flimsy.”

“Are you sure? Try it.”

Muriel sighs and tries to tear out of the binding, but instead of the fabric shredding beneath his considerable strength, the fabric stretches like rubber before snapping back, his wrists still firmly bound. When it happens, Muriel looks up at me with a shocked expression.

“It’s a spell. Asra taught me a basic binding spell and I...modified it.”

It’s hard to keep the pride out of my voice when I explain the mechanics of it. If Muriel struggles against the silk, it will simply snap back into place. Only I can remove it with a word that I won’t tell him.

“If you want to stop at any time though, just tell me and I’ll stop. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”  
“This...you really want...this, me. You want me.”

“Yes, Muriel, but most of all I want you to want this. If you need some kind of reassurance that I will be okay, then I wanted to find a way to give you that.”

There’s a long moment where Muriel doesn’t say anything. He stares down at his bound wrists, bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he fights a war within himself. I refrain from saying anything else. He has to fight this war on his own, all I can do is even the playing field.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity and I start to get uncomfortably warm from the heat of the fireplace, he looks up at me with a small smile.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Just...slow?”

“Of course,” I say, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. Muriel leans forward then and kisses me, the first time he’s made the first move since we’ve known each other. I melt against him, carefully wrapping my arms around his neck to keep us close. He hums against my lips and I can feel his fingers toying with the hem of my tunic. I pull away enough to quickly tug the tunic over my head, letting it fall by my feet in a careless heap.

“You’re beautiful…” Muriel murmurs, nuzzling into my hair and pressing kisses to the top of my head.

“So are you,” I whisper, a small laugh escaping as I watch him immediately pull away and sputter.

“I-I um……….thanks. I guess.”

I kiss him again and start to pull him back towards the bed again. This time he doesn’t resist, allowing me to maneuver him until his back is turned towards the bed. I give him a nod and he sits down, staring up at me with those piercing green eyes that I find myself getting lost in far too often. I reach up to unwrap the ever present cloak around his shoulders, pausing before I touch it to look at him for permission. Another nod, and his cloak joins my tunic on the floor. I kiss him again and he responds eagerly, pressing up into my lips without leaving his spot on the bed. 

There’s no question, the silk has made him relax more than I’ve ever seen before. As happy as I am, part of it makes my heart hurt, that he still doesn’t trust himself to touch me without hurting me. I hope one day that will change. For now, I’m grateful to have him in whatever way I can.

“Lay back for me?” I ask as I leave a trail of feather light kisses along his jaw and down his neck. His breath catches when I suck gently at his pulse point and when I pull away he practically throws himself back, quickly scooting so that he’s lying down lengthwise.

I lean forward and lift his arms over his head, giving him a reassuring smile as he stares up at me. I slowly loop the remaining silk through the rough wooden bars of his headboard and tie it off. Giving it an experimental tug, I determine that the magic extends to that knot as well. Even if Muriel tries to break free, which I doubt, the silk will stretch and bounce back.

“Okay?” I ask, searching his face for any sign of discomfort.

Muriel swallows and nods.

“Can you say it for me?”

“I...I’m okay. I’m good.”

I kiss his forehead and smile. “You’re doing so good for me.”

I step back and begin to unlace my pants while kicking off my shoes simultaneously. It’s far less graceful than I would have liked, but I managed to remain upright and soon I’m down to my underclothes. I smile at the breathless look on Muriel’s face. It’s not like he hasn’t technically seen me naked before, but this is the first time it hasn’t been for strictly practical reasons, like bathing. He’s certainly never seen me almost naked and straddling his lap, so when I climb onto the bed and place my legs on either side of his waist, he can’t help the soft groan that leaves his lips.

There’s only a few thin layers of fabric separating us and I can feel Muriel growing steadily beneath me. I give an experimental roll of my hips and he lets out a choked noise, but the pleasure on his face is unmistakable. I do it again, and again, until he’s hard and pressed against me and I can feel my own slick soaking my underclothes. When I lean down to kiss him, I take the opportunity to run my hands along the thick muscles of his torso. I sigh and smile into the kiss when I feel more than hear him murmur something against my lips.

“What was that?”

“...Please.”

“Please what?”

Muriel squeezes his eyes shut and I watch as he grips the headboard behind him. I hear the wood creak under the pressure of his fingers and part of me wants to untie the silk and move his hands to my hips. I want to feel those fingertips dig into my skin, but I can’t. Not yet.  
“I...I don’t know just, please. I want…”

I press my forehead against his, grounding him with my touch. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” I murmur. “Just let me know if you need to stop or if you don’t like something, okay?”

Muriel nods quickly. His nose bumps against mine and I giggle before kissing the tip of it, then begin to work my way down. I kiss a line down his neck, down his chest, pausing to flick my tongue once across each nipple and marveling at the way he involuntarily arches off the bed. I do it again, relishing the whimpers he makes before working my way down his stomach to the waist of his pants. Glancing up, I see his eyes locked on me while his chest rises and falls with each rapid breath.

I place a kiss on each of his hips, just above his pants, and then I rub my hand gently over his cock. It’s the first time I’ve been able to truly get an idea of how big he is and the briefest flicker of worry crosses my mind, but I school my features to make sure it doesn’t show. The last thing I want is Muriel getting nervous because I’m nervous. Instead, I focus on him, how warm he is beneath his pants, how he shivers when I slip my fingertips beneath the waistband and begin to pull the fabric down.

When his cock finally springs free, Muriel lets out a little gasp as the air hits him. Even with the fire going I can see the small shiver that runs up his spine. I pull his pants down past his knees to give him a little more freedom, and then I slide my hands up his thighs. The hair is soft, slowly giving way to the coarse dark hair surrounding his cock, and he squirms when I run my fingers through it.

“Not good?” I ask, moving my hands back down to his thighs and waiting.

“No, just…” the rest of the sentence gets lost as he mumbles under his breath.

“What was that?” I ask, though I’m pretty sure I know the answer.

“...It tickled.”

I smile and lean down to nuzzle at his hip. “You’re so cute.”

Before he can protest again, I lick a stripe down the line of his hip, stopping when I feel his cock against my jaw. Then, keeping my eyes on him, I press a feather light kiss to the tip. Muriel twitches and lets out another quiet moan before looking at me with pleading eyes. I decide then that I’ve spent long enough teasing him, and enough time teasing myself. I gather saliva in my mouth and try to spit it into my hand as elegantly as possible, which isn’t very, and for the first time since meeting Muriel I duck my head shyly. 

Of all things, that seems to ground him a little because he lets out a slight chuckle. “If that’s what embarasses you, you’d be horrified at the things I do out here.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Is that so?”

And there’s the blush again. “N-not like that! That’s not what I mea-oh.” 

In his haste to backtrack, I managed to wrap my hand around his cock and give an experimental stroke. My fingers only barely wrap all the way around and the thought of having him inside me only makes me clench around emptiness, wetness sliding out of me as I do. I start slow, gentle, and I run my thumb over the head to gather the precum to ease the friction even more. I can still tell that Muriel is trying to hold still, but he isn’t holding back his noises. Groans and grunts coupled with the occasional breathless gasp soon give way to desperate panting when I pick up the pace. I could make him cum like this, and part of me wants to, just to see him let go, but I’ve waited so long, I have to have a little more of him.

“Muriel, is it okay if I use my mouth?”

“Yes! I mean um, if you want. You don’t have to.”

I smile up at him, at his hands still gripping the headboard but not as tight anymore. I can see sweat glistening across his stomach and his forehead and for about the millionth time I am in awe of how beautiful he is. Then, I pull his foreskin back enough to reveal the head of his cock and take him into my mouth.

“F-f-ffuuuck!” Muriel cries out and I feel his hips start to lift up from the bed. I pull back so he doesn’t choke me and wait until he settles down before I continue. This time I put my hands on his hips, letting a small wave of magic flow through to help hold him down, and then I start to bob my head slowly.

I can’t take all of him in my mouth, not yet, but the thought of being able to take him fully has me moaning around what I can get in and the vibrations make Muriel curse more. I hollow my cheeks as much as I can on my way up and I make sure to swirl my tongue around the tip. Every part of him reminds me of the forest, of strong earth and pine and somehow the taste of him is no different.

It doesn’t take long before he’s squirming desperately and muttering my name over and over again. My chin is covered in saliva and my lips are stretched so wide around him that I know I’m going to be sore afterward, but if anything that makes me work harder. It’s worth it. Muriel is worth it.

“I’m gonna...c-close please please I want-” Muriel is babbling incoherently now as I slowly take him apart, and it’s all I can do to not try and swallow him down, just to see what he does. I can’t risk hurting myself and having Muriel blame himself for it though, so I just hum in encouragement around his cock. I pull up until only the head is in my mouth and I wrap my hand around the base again, stroking while I suckle at the head. The combination is what sets him off and soon I can feel him pulse in my hand. A moment later, my mouth is filled with a salty, somewhat bitter taste, and I swallow it all down.

I pull away only when I’m sure he’s done and I crawl up to lie next to him on the bed, though I’m more lying on top of him than anything.

“Strawberries,” I whisper, and with that the silk fades from Muriel’s wrists and I know that it reappears in my satchel.

When I look at Muriel, his breathing has finally started to even out and his hands fall limply to the bed. He opens his eyes to look at me and I see that they’re glistening with tears.

“Oh Muriel, are you alright? Did I go too far? I’m sorry,” I murmur, reaching up to wipe the tears from the corners of his eyes.

“No, I just...it felt so good and so much, and I’ve never felt anything like it before. I just got overwhelmed,” he pauses and flexes his fingers. “Thank you.”

At that I laugh quietly and nuzzle into his chest. “You don’t need to thank me. If anything I should be thanking you for trusting me.”

Muriel wraps his arms around me and holds me close and I sigh contentedly at the feel of his careful embrace. We sit quietly for a few moments and I almost drift off to sleep before Muriel clears his throat.

“What about you?”

“Hmm?” I mumble sleepily into his chest.

“You didn’t get anything out of that.”

I look up at him and find his green eyes looking at me with uncertainty. I give him a smile and shake my head. “It’s not always about that. Besides, we don’t have to do everything all at once.”

“But-”

I put a finger to his lips. “Shh. I wanted you to feel good. I wanted to show you that you’re allowed to feel good.” I lean forward and kiss his forehead, then both cheeks, and then finally I pull my finger away to kiss him on the lips. He’s still staring at me, but most of the uncertainty is gone and replaced by a tired kind of acceptance.

“We can do as much or as little as you like, and we can go slow,” I murmur. “We have all the time in the world.”

At that, I see the rest of the tension fall out of his shoulders and he curls in towards me. I lift my hand just enough to wave a blanket over, allowing it to fall over us before I press close to Muriel and tuck my head in the crook of his neck.

“I love you Muriel.”

“I love you too.”

I fall asleep easily knowing that I am always safe in Muriel’s arms, and I look forward to when he knows it too.


End file.
